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“spiritual” in secular settings

By December 5, 2014 13 Comments

I recently received this question from a reader, Gail, who wrote:

“My work is informed by an underlying spirituality, but I work in a university environment. I often worry about my spirituality being criticized by others or that I’ll get into trouble if I talk about it. How do I stay true my spiritual callings while also working in a secular setting?

First things first: I know many of you reading don’t identify with (or like) the word “spirituality.” I hear you. For the purposes of this discussion, please take spirituality to mean that large, heartfelt impulse to do good, a sense of moral purpose that comes from an understanding of the sacredness and connectedness of all life. Even that version of spirituality, without dieties and theologies, can be hard to live out in the jaded, harsh settings that many of us work within.

When I was in school – in the secular environments of college and then graduate school – I needed my spiritual life deeply. I needed it because the social fish bowl and competitive culture of those places challenged my sense of confidence and to my connection to my self. I got easily intimidated and lost. I needed something to ground me and center me and lift me up – and for me, that is remembering the larger force of good and love, surrendering to it, asking to be of service to it.

But the spiritual stuff wasn’t really something I felt I could talk about or something that I felt I needed to talk about. On my own – whether in my own room before the school day – or in my own head in a difficult moment on campus, I grounded myself in that something larger. I remembered the sacredness of everyone around me. I asked to be of service. I asked for help from the great and potent unknown. I threw up my hands in surrender when it was too much, when I did not know. I practiced what people might call prayer and meditation. I read spiritual texts. I tried to act in ways that were kind, generous, loving. And of course, many times I failed to live up to all of that. But I would return to the intentions and try again.

That spiritual practice made it possible for me to stay truer to my voice in those places. It was the basis for any joy I found within them. And hopefully, I hope hope hope, it allowed to be a better contributor to those communities than I otherwise would have been.

I think that’s what I have to offer in response to Gail’s question – not advice, but that lesson learned from my own experience: that we can live our spirituality privately, quietly, and yet still fully. If we are doing that, others probably won’t think of us a “spiritual” or know a thing about our beliefs, but they will experience us as people able to own up to our mistakes, as people who are humble, grateful, and above all, as people who are kind.

How do you live your spirituality? How could you live your spirituality a little more today?

Last but not least, if you are like me, you are in the midst of finding those perfect holiday gifts for those you love. Click HERE to get signed, personalized Playing Big books for the special women in your life this year.

Love,

Tara

Join the discussion 13 Comments

  • Carol says:

    This comment is directed at both you and Gail. I, too, conduct much of my spiritual life in my head as I go about my day. But, married to a university professor, I am increasingly dismayed at the lack of academic freedom on college campuses these days. The Wall Street Journal even had an article about that recently. I think it is a shame and downright wrong that Gail feels concern about getting into trouble for being who she is!

    Was it Ben Franklin or Caeser Rodney who said at the Continental Congress that there were no ideas that were too dangerous to be talked about? Whatever happened to that?

    Just sign me kind, but not politically correct.

  • Eugene says:

    Thank you so much for this post Tara! This is the frst time I write a comment. I felt so much connected with your thoughts about spiriruality. I do too practice in private but WOULD love to share it with my group of friends in a natural way. I tried once but felt vulnerable afterwards. Why? I don’t know. That made me sad. I am now going through a complicated time in my life and I wish I could have a safe space to talk openly about spirituality. I am convinced we could help each other so much! Anyway, in the meantime I will continue to practice on my own.

  • Kaye says:

    I follow Barbara Stanny, who’s published a number of books on finance for women, you may know…also Ali Brown, who I recently took an online class from. Ali Brown is known as a woman entrepreneur who’s had big business success, but this class was about Higher Power. Turns out Ali is a spiritually based person, and has used that source in guiding her life and business. And you may know Barbara Stanny just released her latest book called Sacred Success, which is also about business and spirituality for women. It seems we are possibly at a point in time where the “Spiritual” is becoming more of an obvious, undeniable truth in the world. And so this “divide” between the intellectuals and those with a spiritual foundation may be shifting and disolving. Ali Brown thinks so. She talked about the latest science, where they search for the so called “God particle” and what they recently found is that the smallest particles are unpredictable. So everything science knows, about predictability and laws of physics, is “thrown out the window.” Also, in addition to finding that these minute particles are unpredictable, they also have found the results can depend on the observer. There’s info. on this in a book Ali referred us to by Rob Bell What We Talk About When We Talk About God.

  • Susie S says:

    Hi Tara, I loved your definition of spirituality. As for me, spirituality is a way of life as you described. I don’t often talk about it with those who I know don’t understand it but am always amazed that they sense it in me and comment on it themselves. And when they do, that is the moment I seize because I know they are opened to it. I lead by example and have followers because of how I live. I am blessed with all I have learned and realize that this is my gift to share.

  • Peggy says:

    There is, as you describe Tara and Susie, an unmistakable atmosphere around those who have a strong connection and surrender to Spirit / Essence / something Larger. A willingness to allow something larger to shine through, to own mistakes, to be humble and real. And it automatically gives others permission to be themselves as well. I also believe there is a natural desire to share this together with others (“where two or more are gathered together…”). For me, it happens whenever I am in a yoga or meditation class, or singing together with a group. That shared sense of communion while sharing the Presence of That which infuses everything, can be exquisite. Do we need to talk about it everywhere to everyone? Probably not. And yet, like Kaye, I also see spirituality becoming more explicitly named and woven into talks on leadership,business and success. It is an aspect of life that we have separated out since the age of “Enlightenment”, and now I do believe is the time of re-integration and re-owning ourselves as body, mind, AND spirit. It will be interesting to see how this continues to evolve.

  • Sandie says:

    Tara, you’re spot-on; there is so much of our lives that is beyond our comprehension and our own strength. Peggy, I like your comment about the reintegration of our spiritual selves. Human beings are meant for more than just the material world. To paraphrase C.S. Lewis: “when I talk to my neighbor, have a spat with my spouse, work alongside my coworker, I am among immortals.” That quote . . . in addition to my way of life as a Christfollower . . . helps give me pause, helps me to treat others as the unique creations of God each are, intrinsically worthy of reverence, respect and love. Do I fail in this? Yes, frequently. But there is forgiveness, grace and strength. And yes, I agree; you don’t always have to proclaim your truth; there is a time and place to do so winsomely. But by forging relationships with others (as stated above), you then earn the right to share, as appropriate.

  • Margaret says:

    Tara, Thanks for addressing this issue and I love your perspective. I love my personal connection with Spirit and like it to be private. I try to the best of my ability to listen to Spirit and do what I believe is in my highest to do in the moment. Sharing my spirituality beliefs however, seems to me too much like trying to convert others to my way of thinking, or comparing beliefs and finding some better than others and then arguing about beliefs.

  • Ms. Melee says:

    Seriously….I find the opposite. I am harassed and confronted with the oh so special religious ones who pretend to know SO MUCH more than me. I feel I have to hide the fact I am atheist. That I have to defend my constitutional right to NOT BELIEVE. So please be different here and DON’T HARRASS ME.

  • Love this post! I appreciate your thoughtful reflection Tara. So often conversations can devolve into charged debates as these “matters of ultimate concern” i.e. spiritual topics are so deeply personal. I agree that spirituality is something which we can practice and live, without needing to necessarily verbalize. I’ve been in very academic contexts as well (two grad programs at Harvard) and appreciate the creative tension of being a soulful person in an intellectually charged space. But i think it is always a gift to simply be who we authentically are, and also many people desire a life more in connection to their soul or deeper register. So grounding ourselves in that, regardless of our particular role or conversations, is always a way to be of service. I’m still a work in progress but find it easier to navigate in my current context as a coach and writer (and entrepreneur) than in an institutional setting. but we need soulful people living conscious lives in every sector! thanks again Gail for a great question + Tara for opening it up. warmly, Courtney

  • I want to apologize for those who are the know-it-alls in your life. I’m sure I’ve been one for someone at sometime. I want to grow in grace and learn how best to honor all life-paths and to be honored for mine.
    Much love… on this journey together,
    Sabrina

  • Dear Tara, I struggled with referring to spirituality in my CEO workshops too. Then one day after a three hour training a company head came up to me and said that when i referred to a yoga mantra during one of the exercises he liked it. He said, “I’ve heard that stuff before and it seemed out of my reach. When you said it, I believed you and I believed I could apply it to my own life as a husband and owner.” It was powerful and that transformational experience helps me to overcome any doubt I have about sharing it again. Thank you for starting the conversation!

  • Kaveri says:

    Tara, thanks for taking Gail’s question and turning it into an exploration many of us can relate to. For me, spirituality in the work place (and in my life) has a lot to do with connecting with my intention and seeing the bigger picture. When I get caught up in details or focus on how I’m different from others, I totally forget what we all have in common and want from each other: basic human kindness as Tara said. I also need to connect with my intention of wanting to mirror another human being’s beauty at least once. If I can be open to the countless opportunities I have to do that, it was a good day.

  • Kaveri says:

    Jeanne,

    So glad you felt vulnerable and courageous enough to mention the yoga, AND that you’ll do it again!

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