How do I know if I’m hearing from my Inner Mentor?
How do I know if my regular old mind is just ‘making this up’?
How do I know when it’s truly the inner mentor voice versus fear, ego, or wishful thinking?
I often hear these questions from women in our community. They’ve discovered their inner mentors, and love the wise, inspiring, grounded woman they’ve met. They are starting to connect with her more, to explore how she’d approach the decisions and dilemmas they’re facing, and to try to grow more into her in all areas of their lives.
A very natural question arises: was I really tapping into her perspective? Or was that just what my everyday thinking wanted the answer to be?
Let’s talk about all this today, so you can come away with some solid ways to tell when you’re connecting with your Inner Mentor.
It’s been seventeen years now (!!!) that I’ve been working with women around their Inner Mentors, so I’ve had the privilege of being witness to many, many Inner Mentor dialogues. The patterns are clear.
The Inner Mentor is:
Calm: Once we’ve tapped into our Inner Mentor’s perspective, there is a sense of calm. Whatever frenetic, stressed, or overwhelmed energy we had coming into the conversation is not present anymore.
Loving: The berating or harshness — especially toward ourselves — is not present once we tap into her perspective. She might show up with “tough love” but it’s imbued with a deep sense of care and being on our side.
Succinct: Our Inner Mentors generally use few words; if the thoughts are still lengthy, intricate, swirly, we likely haven’t tapped into her yet.
Those qualities — calm, loving, succinct — show up pretty much every time we connect with our Inner Mentors.
Then, there are some other qualities that show up regularly (but not always):
Surprising answers — Often her answers surprise us, because they are truly different from where our everyday thinking has been leading us. It’s normal to feel genuinely surprised by what we’re sensing when we consult with her. (I hope it goes without saying, but of course, especially if something feels surprising or confusing, consult with a trusted wise and caring person in your life, and give it some time before taking action on it!)
Challenging answers — Our Inner Mentors’ answers are always wise, but that doesn’t mean they are easy to implement!
It is totally okay (and common) to feel a sense of resonance with the guidance you hear from your Inner Mentor but also to feel very daunted about carrying out that guidance. In fact, because her answers are so wise, putting them into practice often requires us to be brave, to confront realities we may have been avoiding, or to do something we’re afraid of.
You can take your time and seek supports as you are putting that guidance into action. Sometimes, we say back to our Inner Mentors, “I hear that, I know you are right, and I’m just not ready to do that yet.”
We can also ask her follow-up questions, “I hear you. I don’t feel ready yet. How can I get more ready?” Or, “I hear you, but I’m so afraid of failing. What can I do with that fear?” Or, “What’s a manageable next step I could take?”
Visual answers — Sometimes the Inner Mentor answers us in words; other times, she shows us an image, gives us a facial expression or makes a gesture with her hands. That makes sense: when we envision the Inner Mentor, we’re already working with the part of the brain that utilizes imagery, including metaphor. So sometimes her guidance shows up in visual form as well.
Answers that make us chuckle — Often, when women check in with their Inner Mentor about something, they’ll chuckle or throw back their head in a laugh. Our Inner Mentors can have a sharp wit. Sometimes, their answers strike us as funny because they’re so different from our everyday thinking. Humor is a great instructor; it helps us see and feel so much all at once.
I hope these qualities help you remember what to look for in your Inner Mentor connection, and how to know if you haven’t tapped into her wisdom yet and might need a deeper, longer, more relaxed check-in to connect with her.
In my next post, I’ll share some reminders about how we check in with our Inner Mentors, and what to do if you are having trouble accessing her. In the meantime:
If you haven’t met your Inner Mentor yet, access the visualization & meditation here.
If you have questions about your Inner Mentor or want to review the basics, read the Playing Big book chapter on Inner Mentor here.
To continue your Inner Mentor journey with me in a course community, check out the Playing Big Course and the Playing Big Facilitators Training here.
With Love,
Tara
Top Photo Credit: Jeff W
