Over the last couple weeks, I’ve read the words of so many people, and spoken with so many in my own personal circle, who are feeling outraged, terrified, and disoriented by what’s happening in the collective right now.
I do not think it is healthy or fair to ask ourselves to go it alone in processing all we are taking in right now.
This is not the time to be siloed, reeling or weeping or shutting down in front of our screens, alone. All of us are learning how much that hijacks our nervous system, scares us further, and takes us out of the grounding connection with others that we need.
Nor is it healthy or fair to ask ourselves to squeeze our emotional processing into spare minutes of busy days. We deserve dedicated time and space for it.
As I was journaling about all this, I started to think about the power of small, intentional circles of people gathering to connect to process together. Easy-to-gather circles. Living room and kitchen table and out-on-the-grass-under-the-tree circles. Circles to express our emotions, be witnessed, hear from others, and reground in our values, our commitment to creating a different world.
A circle like that could happen because you send out a carefully written invitation to a group of people you’d like to bring together. Or it might happen more informally, a quick text to the close friends you are on a text thread with, inviting them to a more deliberate conversation & supportive time together.
This kind of intentional gathering can be surprisingly healing and grounding. A circle of this type is informed by many lineages: the longstanding traditions of indigenous Talking Circles and healing circles; the “consciousness raising” groups of the women’s movement; 12-step recovery circles; and clinical therapeutic support groups.
I’m part of a few different kinds of communities that have circles/check-ins/sharing times along these lines. They function best when they embrace key guidelines and principles like these:
• Confidentiality – What’s shared in the conversation stays there.
• Permission & Self-Sovereignty – All emotions are welcome, tears are welcome, and any member of the group can pass on sharing or take a break from the group process if needed.
• No Advice or Cross Talk. Advice-giving, feedback, discussion or crosstalk (referring directly to or commenting on another person’s share) is not permitted, not in response to someone’s share or in later interactions. Each person has the space to simply share aloud, to express emotions and articulate them in words. They are met with active listening, appreciation for sharing, and a spirit of loving witness from the other members in the group – nothing more and nothing less!
• Strong Container – A group like this functions well with a strong container. Clear guidelines shared at the start, adhering to timelines and giving each person equal time to share, grounding activities to open and close. Providing resources for people who may want to seek additional (professional or other) kinds of support after the group is also important.
• Co-facilitation – It’s a good idea to have two co-facilitators, or a facilitator and a support person. That way, if any individual needs extra support during the gathering (for example, if they feel flooded with emotion and need to step out, with some support in grounding), that second person can play that role, while the primary facilitator continues with the main group.
I know many of you here are passionate about supporting people in their wellbeing – and hosting a circle like this can be one way to do that, as well as to tend to your own wellbeing. To support you in hosting such a circle, I’m including a guide below with more detailed ideas for holding a circle or structured conversation for processing/healing/reflecting in these times.
There are plenty of things happening right now that give us plenty to process together, but I would also encourage you to read the guide now, and when the next overwhelming news or crisis hits, know that holding a circle is one avenue of action you may want to take. It’s one way you can help people feel and express emotion, and find strength and steadiness in community – strength and steadiness that becomes the ground for positive action and hope.
I’m deeply grateful to the small group of readers in this community + colleagues, including several who have clinical expertise in trauma recovery and DEI expertise, who provided insightful feedback on this idea and the linked written guide.
If you host a circle and would like to tell us about how it went, please reach out. My team and I would love to hear from you: team@taramohr.com.
