This summer as I’m taking some downtime, I’m sharing some of my favorite and your favorite posts from the archives. Hope you enjoy these selections!
Darling, We Went For It
My old career was lovely and interesting, but I was in it because I was being more loyal to my fears than to my dreams.
(I know. Ouch. It felt like an ouch when I first said those words to myself, too.)
Whenever I am telling this story and I say, “I was being more loyal to my fears than to my dreams,” people perk up. They interrupt me and repeat the phrase, turning over each word. Or they write it down. Or they gasp and drop their pens. There’s some kind of “oh sh*t” moment.
Apparently I’m not the only one who lived this way: more loyal to my fears than to my dreams.
After some years of living that way, I started hearing whispers. They said, “Remember those dreams for your childhood? The dreams about what you’d accomplish and what your life would be like?”
Then they said, “Umm, Tara? This is it. This is your adult life. Are you going to go for it or not?”
Was I going to go for it or not?
I had no idea how to get there – back to creative writing, to a creative career, to living a life that reflected me. The path seemed totally unclear, and at the same time, like an impossible hike uphill.
But one night, instead of the usual, dizzying, mental loop of overwhelm, fear, and arguing-with myself, a new thought showed up. It sounded like this, “Can you at least commit to being on your own side here? Can you just take the step to say back to your tenderest heart, Okay honey, I’ll be on your side. I can’t promise you results, but I will try to get what you want.”
I had not been on the side of my own dreams. I had been on the other side, arguing with my dreams, convincing myself they weren’t real or weren’t realistic.
That night, I stepped back across the line, to being on my own side.
I didn’t get perfect. A million times since then, and still everyday now, I fall short of being my own friend and advocate. I shrink the dreams down. I get so caught up in fear I can’t even remember what they are.
And yet, something shifted that night. I agreed to let the dreams-soul-longings-desires lead, instead of the fear.
I shifted because I really got it: the soul’s longings, it’s destiny, will keep fighting for fulfillment. It will not give up. And pushing aside it’s voice will only get harder. So really, the shift was a surrender. The safe and convenient choices were surrendered to the hungers of the soul.
It is a sacred ritual, stepping back, across the line, to be on the same side as our dreams. Instead of being divided against yourself, together the strong, calloused by the world, bad-ass you, and your tender, vulnerable, dreaming heart face the critics, the challenges, the obstacles.
It is a pivotal moment of saying, “Yes, honey, yes, we are going for this. I’ve got your back.”
It is giving a spacious home to the inner whispers, never again cutting them off, out of your own fear.
It is trying, just trying, to go for your heart’s desires.
We make the move to have a shot at joy. We make the move because our souls ask us to. We make the move because it is too painful not to.
We make the move because at the end of it all, we want to be able to say, to that most alive and longing and hungry part of us: Darling, we went for it.
Join the discussion 18 Comments
I am going for it; thanks for your inspiration over a year ago!
Many, many, MANY thanks for sharing this!
I needed this!
I have had this project idea in my head for YEARS now. As time goes by I keep rationalizing why it would be a waste to take action…it’s unrealistic, who is going to believe in it, it’s too big of a project, I don’t have enough contacts/experience/knowledge..blah blah blah.
Today the idea came back randomly. Then I get an email with some links to organizations with similar missions (I decide to researched one a week so I know how they do what I do).
Then..I get your email!!
Too many signs in one day!
wow! sounds so familiar.
going for it!!!!! thamk you
Oof. I LOVE this. Just what I needed to hear today. I’m in this same cycle of fears/dreams/fears/dreams… fighting the same tension. To think of it as “surrender” feels infinitely hopeful and authentic and RIGHT. Thanks for the inspiration!
I LOVE receiving your posts but I have never commented before. However, this post grabbed me on such a deep level that I was moved to tell you how much I needed to read this write now. Obviously your focus here was aimed on going for a career and life’s work that speaks to your soul and I am absolutely about trying to make those exact changes in my own life right now. But, this message and how I received it in my heart and soul connected with me on a much more personal level and subject. It was one of those “aha” moments when I read about stepping across the line to be on your own side. And, for me this represents stepping over to my “soul” self, to becoming whole and joy filled and steppign away from addiction and depression and fear and anxiety; from feelings of not being worthy of the joy that is my birth right. Your post made me feel alive and renewed and hope-filled. So, thank you thank you thank you. I will carry this with me for many days to come. You have made a positive impact on my day and I am forever grateful!!
It takes courage and awareness to go for what you want and being on your own side presents a perspective that I had never considered. Why would we constantly struggle with the part of us that has the important desires and goals. How unproductive and ultimately self defeating. I have to get on my own side!!
Thank you Tara, this is just another post that helps guide me to my life purpose.
I love the concept of being on my own side and its true I am extremely loyal to my fears rather than my dreams..what an odd thing to do eh. I will give it a go and be on My side for a change thanks for the refocus
Thank you so much…. I’m going for it now, after years of not going for it. I’m a little concerned now that going for it in the way that I want to may mean living behind my spouse. Would love to hear thoughts about this….
Thank you for this!! My heart sang earlier this month as I embarked on fulfilling my dreams and promises to my heart…yippee!! And Universe is helping me right along… and I wouldn’t want it any other way!!!! xoxo
Thank you! I am about to go for it. I’m scared as shit but I can’t ignore my inner voice anymore. You are inspiring and make me feel a little stronger inside, so thank you.
Hi Tara, thank you so much for the inspiration. You definitely have a way to speak to my soul. I have been listening but I have also been turning away, saying:”In a year I’ll do it, just need to earn a steady paycheck for a while longer.” This week I got home from work and knew I had to resign. I am spending 8 hours of my energy on a paycheck and I would be way better off spending it on my soul longings.
Thank you, thank you, you are an inspiration. You have reminded me again that I should be my own best friend, that I should be on MY side.
Amazing post Tara, had tears in my eyes when reading the last part, as I can feel that deep, longing part of me, saying, yes, yes, yes. This is from the heart and I really resonate with that. I felt inspired to write a poem.
Information – July 23, 2013
The right way
The right source
What would you do to find that?
What if it means breaking societal norms?
Doing the taboos
Are they your taboos?
Who are you doing it for?
What if breaking the taboo means finding the truth?
What is there waiting to be rediscovered?
Then is it still a taboo?
The grey path
Some dark and some light
Some old and some bright
And the courage to do so
Where many others have not
Nor can they understand beyond their field
Refusing to see
It’s too scary
Moments cannot be replaced
Just be careful of your own attachments
Go into it with an open heart
And understand your attachments to certain outcomes
Drivers and navigators
See your role
That is your function
In this situation
At the end of it all
We did it together
Explored the deepest parts
And it was so worth it
This journey with you
My best friend
My most trusted and loving advisor
The part of me that is the constant light
Shining and guiding through the dark
The pack that I’ve made
To always be with you
No matter what
We went for it
Gave it our all
Held hands and did it!
And I look at you
You look back at me
It is I
It is you
I am me
Truly a Devinely inspired post. You bring us back to a place that feels so natural but we resist and few encourage us in. Thank you for being a conduit for Spirit in my life to hear life giving words I need.
this is absolutely Divine.
my heart leapt when i heard these words. i am gasping too strongly on my own fears and not being loyal to Life.
“Can you at least commit to being on your own side here?” —
THOSE WORDS HIT HOME, Tara. I’m at my desk at work, and I’m trying not to cry.
“Can you at least commit to being on your own side here?” — that’s the question, and such a simple one. Can I? Well, as it turns out, YES…I CAN, and I will.
By this time next year (hear me, Universe) I will be where I want to be, doing what I have waited to do/wanted to do, near the people I love to be with.
Ouch – yes, for me too. You make this concept so easy to relate to, like being a good parent to my inner child. I am thinking I will carry a photo of me as a child to help remind me to be true to my dreams and aspirations. And it clarifies what is important for me to be doing as parents to my own children. Courage and love are called for, but let me at least try (and try again…):)
[…] the wonderful Tara Mohr, if you haven’t read Tara’s blog you can read her full post on committing to be on your own side here. I subscribe to Tara’s weekly words, she has a special poetic way of speaking the […]