I had the best time walking with my friend M yesterday, and I’m still on a high from it. So much laughter and humility and sharing the truth. There’s nothing like being in the presence of someone who lifts up your energy from blah to yay, that you feel kindred spirit-ness with, and that you feel cool and hip with all at the same time.
Gratitude. Thank you.
I am reminded of my very first coaching session — the first one I ever had with another coach. We did a visualization of my 80th birthday party. I got to close my eyes and picture the party. What did I want it to be like? Who was there? What was I like at that age?
A lot of things in the picture were vague, but one thing (besides my cute haircut) was clear: a web of gorgeous, powerful connections. The sense of a life lived long and filled with intimate, meaningful relationships.
What does it mean to me, having “meaningful relationships?”
I know what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that so and so saved me or that I saved them. It doesn’t have anything to do with dependence and drama.
It means I think (and I have never quite taken the time to put this in words before), that there are people in my life whom I adore, and with whom I’ve shared rich experience. Both parts are essential.
I think of my friend D. I adore this persons’ very essence. I’m a raving fan. And when I look into his eyes I see the whole river of our ten year friendship, the streams rushing together: wicked laughter, ridiculous adventures, tears of loss, happy celebrations.
I fall in love with souls. I just fall in love with them. It’s mysterious who and where and how, just as love always is. It’s as if, with some souls, I’m given special sight, and I see the stunning gorgeousness. They aren’t better or worse or different than anyone else, but cupid’s friendship arrow struck me with them.
Something right in the center of my chest is connected to something right in the center of theirs. I’m moved to tears by their very existence. I want to be in their orbit.
I’m crying now, because I’m so grateful.
To be in web of connection, to look into faces and see decades of shared conversation—that’s what I want.
To look into eyes and have shared experience stretch before us, invisible and palpable in the space.
To choose others and have been chosen by them to share the walk with.
At 80, if the room is filled with that, I’ll be humbled and overcome. I’ll feel like I’m resting in a bed of roses.
When I picture that room, I can feel what I and everyone in it would learn that day: Our lives don’t begin and end with birth and death. Our lives are the swirling currents between us. Our lives are what we send and receive and mix and create.

My life rests not in my life story but out there, in the space, in the currents. That life never leaves this realm.



Join the discussion 19 Comments

  • Wilma Ham says:

    Oh Tara.
    That is a beautiful celebration of life. What a richness and wealth is there in that room, in all the lives who have come together.
    That is indeed what will live on, that is what we are here to harvest from life, that is what will be us forever.
    May all our birthdays be like that, a celebration of what we send, receive, mix and create.
    xox Wilma

  • Dorothy says:

    I’ve only just discovered your blog, Tara.

    This is a beautiful post, but made me quite sad, when I realised that I don’t have any such souls in my life. Noone I am so deeply connected with. All my friendships to date seemed to have been circumstantial and superficial. I yearn to connect with someone no a deeper level. Occasionally I connect with like minded people online, but that is never quite the same.

    I think this has mostly come about because I have not engaged in activities and pursuits that I truly love, or not connected with people who do the same things.

    I think if I were to envisage my 80 birthday it would be my online community and my family that would be there, rather than the living, breathing “friends” that I have. Or maybe I don’t give them enough credit – I’ve been so guarded for so long, that it is very hard for me to connect with live people…

    Again, thank you…

  • Julie says:

    Hi, Tara,

    Beautiful writing!

    The 80th celebration… You’ve just described a life well lived, and all it takes is letting go of fear long enough to become selflessly giving of our hearts and time. When we come out of our shells and actually *live/give* we can never be alone.

    Yesterday, I attended a modest, homespun memorial service for a dear friend’s mother. Though I’d only met ‘mom’ a few times, she touched me deeply, profoundly, in ways she could never have imagined. Her heart, so open, pouring out gracious and embracing acceptance, as if I were a long-lost daughter, meant more to me than she could ever have known, more than I can put into words.

    Giving…giving of ourselves, our love… This is what brings us the greatest of life’s riches; this is from where the circle of love begins.

  • David says:


    What a wonderful, wonderful post! If the Lord is willing & the creek don’t rise, I shall definitely be in attendance at that party! And I promise no matter how bad my arthritis is, I will cut a mean rug on the dance floor!

    Also, I look forward to seeing who your friend D. turns out to be in 49 years time. πŸ˜‰


  • Farouk says:

    that’s very touching Tara πŸ™‚ i have tried to do the same thing now (visualize my 80th birthday) and that lead me to become aware of many changes i want to do to my life right now, thank you for sharing :))

  • Hi there,
    I have this feeling that you and I would be at each other’s 80th parties. That’s one of the wonderful things about the internet; people connect with their souls, whether they realise it or not. Essence comes through. This was yet another lovely piece of writing. I’m delighted more and more folk are discovering your blog. They’re in for a real treat! ~ janice
    PS Sorry I haven’t been over for a bit. Got stranded by volcanic ash.

  • Lauren says:

    Dear Tara,

    Such beauty! My heart sings and my soul dances when I reflect upon the remarkable friends I have. Often, I sit in amazement and appreciation.

    It is astounding to recognize that love appears to be the undercurrent of life on planet earth.

    The experience of peering into someone’s eyes, heart, and recognizing a kindred spirit is beyond exhilarating. It is the best of the best of feasts – and I do so love a good feast! πŸ˜‰

    Your words are awesome! And here are my favorite:

    “My life rests not in my life story but out there, in the space, in the currents. That life never leaves this realm.”

    They speak to the great mystery that we are a part of.

    I love that I found your blog and look forward to visiting, replenishing, dipping in again and again.

    Warmest regards,

  • sophiashouse says:

    Lauren, thank you. I love your words too – about love as the undercurrent of life – so beautifully put. It’s interesting you use the word “feast” – I’m currently reading Geneen Roth’s new book, Women, Food & God – and its true that connection is so much more satisfying than the substances – unhealthy foods or others-that we turn to when we are lacking connection.
    I’m so glad that you came by and I look forward to more exchange with you!
    Warmly, Tara

  • sophiashouse says:

    Hi Janice!
    Oh I love that! Yes, you are hereby invited. It will be May….several decades from now.
    Not so long ago I was in the school of “real relationships” happen in the “real world”….other stuff happens online. But that assumption is definitely changing as I get to know people through their blogs in a very different way than I get to know people in typical day to day life. Yes, there are pieces of knowing that come from in person exchanges that are missing, but on the other hand there is a lot that is revealed through people’s writing and the personal expressions of their blogs that is so much richer than what we commonly come to know from colleagues at the office, neighbors, people in our community, etc.
    Stranded by volcanic ash! Oh my!!! Glad you made it through that and hope I’ll get to read more about what transpired!

  • sophiashouse says:

    yay! that makes me so happy!
    that’s what its all about for me – readers trying on these tools in the moment and taking action in their lives!
    will you do a post about what you discover??? πŸ™‚ let me know!

  • sophiashouse says:

    yay!!! thank you my dear.
    i also appreciate how this post brought out old man vernacular in you πŸ™‚
    looking forward to cutting the rug together….if the lord is willing and the creek don’t rise.
    xoxo t

  • sophiashouse says:

    Hi Julie,
    Thanks so much for your beautiful comment!
    Your words made me think about something that was in the back of my mind when I was writing – how important is it that love is returned? How much does it matter ot me that the people I adore adore me back? Sometimes its enough – satisfying and meaningful enough – just to let my love flow outward. Of course, not to be mistreated or anything like that…but just to love/adore/admire without it being about an exchange.
    Your words about letting go of fear to give selflessing, and the idea of “live/give” as one entity bring this to mind for me.
    After reading your blog, I have a feeling you know just what I mean about giving in this sense.

    Thank you for reading, and sharing your words….so delightful to have you hear and I look forward to more “conversation” with you!
    Warmly, Tara

  • sophiashouse says:

    Hi Dorothy,
    Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your candid feelings here.
    My sense is that now that you’ve articulated all you’ve articulated here, things are going to start to shift for you in interesting ways.
    A thought that may be helpful for you: I hear your words about yearning to connect with someone on a deeper level…and also your comment that you have not engaged in activities and pursuits you truly love. So I am curious: can you tap into a yearning to connect with yourself on a deeper level? What would that look like? As you do that, it will be interesting to observe the impact on your relationships.
    And hey, one more thing – in my view there is no reason to discount your online friendships! If you desire deeper relationships in your “regular/offline” life, excellent, go for it, but I don’t think there’s any reason to dismiss or diminish the connections you’ve made online. You can celebrate and bask in those too!

  • sophiashouse says:

    Thank you so much for your beautiful words. It’s so true – this is the real wealth. I can hear that you are cultivating this in your life too.
    Thanks so much for reading and for being here.
    Love, Tara

  • Dorothy says:

    You know, Tara, that is exactly what I have been doing for the last couple of years and I have, indeed, found that my relationships with others have deepened. Or at least with those who add joy and compassion to my life.

    It is a new stage of life I am embarking on and so far, my online community has been incredibly supportive – mainly because they don’t know the “old” me, the baggage and have nothing but positive expectations of what is possible….

  • Kristie Ryan says:

    Wow, that post gave me the chills! That sounds like the most beautiful way to spend your 80th birthday and really to spend every day. I would love to create more connections like this in my own life and am planning to do just that!

    Thank you πŸ™‚


  • sophiashouse says:

    Thank you Kristie. I’m so glad this spoke to you.
    Once you set an intention like you have here – its amazing what shows up!
    Thanks for visiting and hope to see you here again.
    Warmly, Tara

  • This is a wonderfully beautiful post. I read it and ahve thought about it and now am coming back to it. I like the idea and want to take the time to imagine my 80th… Life really isn’t about the beginning or the end, it is the moments in between and the life lived.
    Thank you for sharing this idea!

  • sophiashouse says:

    Thank you! So glad to hear this struck a chord with you.


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