Finding Your Right WorkLiving More Authentically

Darling, We Went For It.

By November 6, 2011 28 Comments

My old career was lovely and interesting, but I was in it because I was being more loyal to my fears than to my dreams.
(I know. Ouch. It felt like an ouch when I first said those words to myself too.)
Whenever I am telling this story and I say, “I was being more loyal to my fears than to my dreams,” people perk up. They interrupt me and repeat the phrase, turning over each word. Or they write it down. Or they gasp and drop their pens. There’s some kind of “oh sh*t” moment.
Apparently I’m not the only one who lived this way: more loyal to my fears than to my dreams.
After some years of living that way, I started hearing whispers. They said, “Remember those dreams for your childhood? The dreams about what you’d accomplish and what your life would be like?”
Then they said, “Umm, Tara? This is it. This is your adult life. Are you going to go for it or not?”
Was I going to go for it or not?
Good question.
I had no idea how to get there – back to creative writing, to a creative career, to living a life that reflected me. The path seemed totally unclear, and at the same time, like an impossible hike uphill.
But one night, instead of the usual, dizzying, mental loop of overwhelm, fear, and arguing-with myself, a new thought showed up. It sounded like this, “Can you at least commit to being on your own side here? Can you just take the step to say back to your tenderest heart, Okay honey, I’ll be on your side. I can’t promise you results, but I will try to get what you want.”
I had not been on the side of my own dreams. I had been on the other side, arguing with my dreams, convincing myself they weren’t real or weren’t realistic.
That night, I stepped back across the line, to being on my own side.
I didn’t get perfect. A million times since then, and still everyday now, I fall short of being my own friend and advocate. I shrink the dreams down. I get so caught up in fear I can’t even remember what they are.
And yet, something shifted that night. I agreed to let the dreams-soul-longings-desires lead, instead of the fear.
I shifted because I really got it: the soul’s longings, it’s destiny, will keep fighting for fulfillment. It will not give up. And pushing aside it’s voice will only get harder. So really, the shift was a surrender. The safe and convenient choices were surrendered to the hungers of the soul.
It is a sacred ritual, stepping back, across the line, to be on the same side as our dreams. Instead of being divided against yourself, together the strong, calloused by the world, bad-ass you, and your tender, vulnerable, dreaming heart face the critics, the challenges, the obstacles.
It is a pivotal moment of saying, “Yes, honey, yes, we are going for this. I’ve got your back.”
It is giving a spacious home to the inner whispers, never again cutting them off, out of your own fear.
It is trying, just trying, to go for your heart’s desires.
We make the move to have a shot at joy. We make the move because our souls ask us to. We make the move because it is too painful not to.
We make the move because at the end of it all, we want to be able to say, to that most alive and longing and hungry part of us: Darling, we went for it.

Join the discussion 28 Comments

  • Just loved this Tara, so beautifully said. I sometimes get so consumed by the fears that I forget what the dreams, my dreams were…

  • Mary Witt says:

    I went to graduate school for a master’s in marriage and family therapy when I was 45 years old (with 2 kids in high school and one in college). One of the very rewarding aspects of my journey is the courage it has given to others. I am thrilled when I meet others who have decided to pursue a dream. Sometimes they will even say directly that I influenced them. I had never considered that aspect. So let me add my agreement to yours. Go For It Darling!

  • Nikki says:

    I want to make my dreams a reality, but the fearful me says that there HAS to be a foundation before I blindly take a leap. Clients who keep coming back for more (and more), some big $s coming through the door, contracts that make me realize I really, truly CAN abandon my 9-5 and live the life I have only imagined for myself.

    The little inner skeptic is always there, nagging at the back of my mind, telling me it ain’t all roses. It can’t be THAT simple.

    Women like you totally inspire me and make me hungry to make my aspirations a reality, to keep reaching for more, to think big and realize I am worthy.

    I suppose it’s just that sense of needing someone to hold my hand through the whole process. Innovating and leaping out of your comfort zone can be bewildering and, yes, scary. But with women like you blogging and reminding us of the opportunities that can be ours, there is a wonderful sense of possibility, of the fire that can burn in our hearts and lives if we only fan that spark.

    Thank you.

  • Natalie Murray says:

    Tara this touched me deeply. My question is however if you have pushed back and buried your heart’s desires for so long to stay on a path that meets obligations and responsibilities how do you uncovers the true desires again?

  • Syreta says:

    This is so inspiring and encouraging, thank you. Thank you for encouraging me to dream again and to take steps to realize those dreams. I’ve always told myself to “feel the fear and do it anyway,” but sometimes I am paralyzed by fear – will I make it, what happens if I don’t make it, and what if someone says “no” or “I’m not interested.” I plan to borrow your words as they will become my new daily mantra. Thank you.

  • Sarah says:

    It’s amazing how when I hear or read the truth, it touches my soul in such a way that I am transformed by the words and my path in life is forever altered. Thank you for speaking the truth and helping me find my path back to my heart’s desires.

  • Natalie Adair says:

    Seriously you hit the nail on the head! How did you know thats what I’ve been going through for the last(30)years?
    Before I had to work at a job I didn’t love,that didn’t fill my soul. I had children to raise alone. I still have kids to raise but no longer alone. So this last Aug I quit my job and went back to school to learn how to be a writer,idk if I’ll succede but at least I’m trying!

  • Michael Ann says:

    I have the same question as Natalie Murray. These thoughts are wonderful and beautiful, but what if you are not really in a position to just follow your dreams? As Natalie said, there are “obligations and responsibilities.” Sometimes you just need to put bread on the table. If you are a single mom barely making it, you might need to hang onto that clerical job that isn’t bad and pays the bills. I feel inspired and yet frustrated by these types of posts.

  • Gina says:

    Your name suits you. Tara Sophia. Earth Wisdom. Your wisdom has come to me in a most important time in my life. Thank you. Thank you.

  • […] “Darling, We Went for It,” a post by Tara Mohr. “Whenever…I say, ‘I was being more loyal to my fears than to my dreams,’ people perk up. They interrupt me and repeat the phrase, turning over each word. Or they write it down. Or they gasp and drop their pens. There’s some kind of ‘oh sh*t’ moment.” I read this post this morning, and had my very own “oh sh*t moment.” Towards the end, she says “We make the move to have a shot at joy. We make the move because our souls ask us to. We make the move because it is too painful not to.” AMEN! […]

  • Ronna says:

    Tara: I love this. So generous. So kind. And to some degree, so unexpected.

    It doesn’t surprise me that you have come by this wisdom as you have – or that you choose to share it with the rest of us. What surprised me was where the post went and how deeply I gasped when I kept reading…a marker that deep truth was being spoken – straight into my reality and my heart.

    Thank you.

  • catherine says:

    thanks so much for this excellent and intelligent post, Tara xx

  • Tammy in Teaxs says:

    My brother and I were talking long didtance yesterday and I told him that if I could do anything I wanted to do for the rest of my life, this beautiful free lifeI don’t have a clue what it would be. He gave me some excercises to help me along and you have solidified the inspiration. I think we all need a push now and then, to get outside of our safety zones and take leaps of faith. I have taken several big ones in the last couple of months and they have done nothing but set me on a wonderful course. You have been very instrumental on this path and I thank the stars for the day i found you and your wisdom. Thank you for sharing.

  • Maira says:

    Oh wow! Your blog showed up on my radar at the exact right time. The more loyal to your fears than your dreams idea is indeed so show stopping and one I’ve been pondering really consciously for the past month. It sounds like: What would you do if you weren’t afraid Maira? Where am I holding myself back?

    Depending on the day my answers are in the affirmative that I am successfully creating my life DESPITE my fears. Other days, the fear is so palpable I can barely move or breather.

    My conclusion is that the “shift” you so eloquently talk about, is a practice, an intentional course of action and awareness where I get to choose to stand on the side of my dreams more and more. And the more I do it, the easier it gets. I’ve also figured out that the bigger the fear, the deeper the soul longing.

    So I go for it Honey! Thanks for a lovely post.

  • Prime says:

    Oh my goddess! I was like that – so loyal to my fears that I lost my writing voice. I tried v v hard to excel as a commodities reporter – and while I succeeded, I hated my life, my job, my career and can’t write what I wanted. It’s when i started traveling and blogging that I got the chance to switch loyalties, standing by my dreams even if it’s difficult and not as financially rewarding. But I’m happier.

  • janna says:

    i just want you to know how perfect these messages from you are. extremely timely…today i am at a point in my life where have never been before: on the road to my dream. Its my 1st day in a city and state i have never been before no knowing anyone, all by myself, and my fears were taking over… today your message “Yes, honey, we are going for this. I’ve got your back” lifted my spirit so much and reminded me why i am here… i am once again back on track =)) i feel great! Thank you so much for all that you do for us!

  • Stephanie says:

    Tara ~ Your words were pure joy to my heart this morning. I have been struggling so deeply in transitioning my life and this was my wake up call. I have been at battle with my visions for what can be because I am terrified of what might be. I need to get myself back to the right side of the line. Thank you for reminding me.

    Best ~ Steph

  • Sandi says:


    Thanks you. This is such an inspirational piece…profound insight in a simple “story” so many can relate to. I hope it is OK to read this in some workshops I conduct that help people get in touch with what they really want from life. Warmest regards, Sandi

  • Maria says:

    thank you for sharing so beautifully. It inspires me, It heals me, it edges me on softly. It gives me hope. I makes me smile and it warms my heart and my inner-child and challenges me.


    The Universe led me to you. After following what I thought to be my purpose, Accounting, I was walking on an unstable left knee and fractured my right hip. Living without a leg to stand on was my soul’s last attempt to steer me to what everybody around me acknowleged me to be, a passionate writer. Now the Universe has opened up its vast warehouse to supply all I need.

  • So well put and true. In my case I found that my soul got to a point where – and I’m not being dramatic – things could not continue being decided out of fear. Or, they could, but the price kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It came down to choosing to be alive, literally and figuratively. So I chose life. And it scared me to pieces sometimes, living soul first, but once I made that decision there was no more going back. Doors opened. Things became easier. And I smile now. Often 🙂

  • Christine B says:

    Oh thank you for this! Thank you especially for the statement “…I was in it because I was being more loyal to my fears than my dreams”. I am being loyal to my dreams, after a 20 year career in a field I liked, but that I was constantly wishing I wasn’t in. Now I am on the path I wanted to be on 20+ years ago, and at 42, am working my way up (bit by bit) to a master’s and PhD in art history. And I am SO very excited. I have to believe that the Universe will open the way for me as I finally travel the path I know I am meant to be on. Thank you for giving words to what was really in my heart. 🙂

  • Becky says:

    Really thoughtful post and beautifully written. Thank you!

  • Jennifer says:

    Wow, thank you for writing this! This is a very timely message in my life. I’m 40 and finally, REALLY, following my dreams. Last night, I launched my website (business is still in the pre-launch phase). I’m going for it! In October, I updated my LinkedIn profile as “Founder of Dignified Transitions” (I’m also currently a part-time independent contractor). I took Level 1 of Healing Touch (which I originally took in the mid-90’s…but listened to family/friends at that time when they asked my why I would take that class when I could be focusing on getting into med school – which was my “plan” at that time). After all of that I ended up not going to med school and instead, earned my MBA (venture mgmt concentration). Just 2 months before completing my degree, and 15 years with one company, I was laid-off (March 2008). This was the greatest thing that could have happened at that time – it flipped our life upside down. Although the last 3 years have been incredibly challenging – financially, emotionally, etc…It made me a “new” person….my “true” person. I was too comfortable in my corporate leadership job to make a change – especially since my husband was a full-time stay-at-home-dad.
    Fast-forward to the present….I now plan on completing all 5 levels of Healing Touch. I started my Facebook and Twitter pages for Dignified Transitions and JUST launched my site last night (after a few days of creating it). I know that it’s not perfect, but I’m making it happen. I’m open for feedback and going into all of this with a full heart and open mind. I don’t have any customers, I don’t have a location for the business, I don’t have any funding yet. BUT, I have a commitment to making it happen, a solid and well-researched plan, passion and great business partner! I think that when you are true to your heart, amazing things happen – the pieces of the puzzle begin to come together. I have a silent partner and some great connections. I know that I’m not necessarily doing it in the “right” order, but that’s OK. I’m following my heart, my dreams, and doing something that I believe in – and something that I know will make a difference in the lives of many. (Please note, I’m doing “all of the right things” to obtain funding, etc. It WILL happen.)
    Sorry for such a long message. If you have read all of this…thank you! Follow your dreams! BTW, my tagline for the business is “Living Your Life, Leaving Your Legacy”. If anyone wants to check out my site and offer feedback, I would be happy to hear from you!
    Peace, happiness and health to you all,

  • […] wanted to know I could, at the end of my life, look back on my career and say, “Yes, Tara, you really went for it. You really gave the dreams a […]

  • Joy says:

    I just today heard about this message and was compelled to research it. I’m so glad I did. Thank you for all this encouragement for I’ve wrestled so long with fear and demons of dark negative self talk. I’ve stalled for years confusing myself on what I can and can’t do, shutting myself down time and time again because of fear. Now, as I read and re-read your message and all the comments here I feel up-lifted and free to ready myself for the journey. Thank You!

  • Elif says:

    Tara, this is so beautiful. So powerful. As I’m just about to “go for it”, the last paragraph will be a daily reminder.

    Lots of love,

  • […] happen yet. It’s okay to have no idea if it’s realistic. You can still, in this moment, shift from being a skeptic to an ally in relationship to yourself. You can say, “Honey, I don’t know how we’ll get there, but I hear you, and I’m going to do […]

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